Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Gone But Not Forgotten
We All Bleed for you now...what was...and what could have been...everyday we are reminded of your departure..and our endless despair...heart-wrenching fear...we cannot recover...approaching a year and the hurt...it does not fade...afraid of a simple bath...but we all sink into a watery state of sleep...an asylum since you've gone...a broken dawn...refusing to move on...your friends knew your insides...a never ending and consuming pain...transfixing you each day...we all mirrored one another...everytime you broke down..we shattered...The sex and the drugs...we shadowed, and by the way... we were never better...drowning in our selfless pride...but what were we trying to hide? Just ourselves. The truth is, without you Love, I wouldn't be who I am today...But you leaving seems so deceiving to all our hopes of a brighter dream...and now it's burning inside...just as it always has. We don't question why you had to go because deep down..we know why...your pain was unbearable and your darkness indescribable. I guess we all thought that you would just hold onto what we all knew..we are The Used...but love wasn't enough. It never was. So pure our love for eachother...we all deserved completion and to be cured of our isolation...but tainted lies held the lever over our decisions. So we split because it felt right to take sides...and now we'll never get better, the damage is done. We will go on living our lives silently knowing...we are consumed. Tell me how to find serenity and deal with this inevitable pain? We are one down and tell us how to cope with this tragic accident? When you cried and pleaded and I couldn't take it...was I too busy? Or cowardly and lame? Your dreary text...and her confused reaction...And when you wrote you felt like Dying...and we all sat contemplating...it's terribly haunting. You said goodbye and our hearts still cry in a never ending solitude...without you we see black...and it's not fair. We curse your name in vain because we feel such shame for not being there...we were a piece of you and with your loss..a piece in all of us is gone. We still feel sick with sadness every time a Gwen song serenades us...and we break down. Tearing at the walls..forever taunted by your calls...and now we beg for a sign. Pink balloons..shooting stars...I wish the sky would fall with black broken bolts...and pierce my heart. We know your here but if we could just hear you more clear...We wouldn't mind if you appeared...just as long as you stayed awhile. And when your sister screams for you...we feel it ripping through our souls. We are trying to hold it together for your mother because she sees you in us...we feel obligated to live for you...this obligation transitions into determination to let you shine through us. Through every makeup brush..and reflexed glitter falling on all your pictures...it's what we must do. I feel every smile is contrived and every time I see happiness I'm blinded with self hatred and devastation. We know we live in darkness...we just miss your laugh...so contagious... With every smile you gave...mended our wild and jaded days...The smell of Pink Sugar...all of your fearless endeavors...We love you so much we come undone...always and forever your our nostalgic treasure...more beautiful than ever... .