Monday, April 13, 2009

From what I can but faintly recall
My memory is somewhat disillusioned from my fall
My skin felt imbedded in the gravel
Chest and chin chiseled and chilled from the concrete
My head a bit languid, feeling heavy and wet
Black tears shed, flowing into a prodigious river of regret
Soon they outlined my body and formed a sketch of my disfigured existence
There was blood but it never quite coated the pavement
I felt lamented by my failure, a certain rancor towards all of my goals
But I feel all of this plaguing me is but a test of my ingenuity
My insides began to implode 
In silence I felt compelled to retire this dream...
Another vigorless and somewhat perfunctory attempt
Then through my acknowledgement of my frivolity I encounter my epiphany 
And what was once malignant wasn't what it seemed
My ambivalence had polluted my better judgement
Supplanted my ambition and distorted what was once a clear and meticulous vision
These mystified moments are what build my character
But my past caused a catastrophic confinement in my soul
Creating a superfluous and austere exterior
Lost in my own thoughts I came to my own conclusion of this inner entanglement
All is not lost...hardly forgotten
But it is simply what I have made of it
Perhaps I can mold happier, healthier moments
Perhaps I can say aloud so I can realize 
That my self doubt has caused this recklessness
So when I fell...I couldn't possibly have caught myself
Stagnant in my subconscious decision to accept defeat,
Was all that was paralyzing me 
When my alarm clock awoke me the following morning
I vowed never to run again
Onto a self piteous journey